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Birds of Feather flock together

In Dating Diva on October 12, 2011 by meetmeforlunch Tagged: , , , , ,

 

As with the whole of Boothman’s book “How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less”, this section focuses on how to make a connection with a new acquaintance. After a quick introduction to the concept, you will read a step by step list of ways to synchronize with people.

Boothman explains that “synchronizing is a way of adapting to others” [1] and creating a medium for connection before you have a chance to get to know him or her on a deeper level. Mimicking a new acquaintance is important because “…quite simply, people are comfortable when they are surrounded by people like themselves.”[2] Boothman goes on to explain that you feel comfortable around people with a similar appearance, belief system, and life circumstances.

Before we go into the details of exactly how and what to copy, read the following story. It epitomizes the power of this technique and is about three mangers being yelled at by their boss. “At the end of his tirade, two of the browbeaten individuals nodded and made excuses, which gave Mr. Szabo even more ammunition to use against them. Ever since Mr. Szabo had begun his rant, Paul had been skillfully synchronizing Szabo’s mood and general mannerisms. When it came time for him to respond to the irate owner, he almost became Mr. Szabo – but in a completely nonthreatening way. He used similar arm gestures, tonality, pauses and attitude, and he even jabbed Mr. Szabo on the shoulder as he said, ‘You’re absolutely right’. As they talked back and forth for a minute or so, Paul calmed down his own gestures and Mr. Szabo following…Paul had successfully joined Mr. Szabo in his world and led him quickly, skillfully and respectfully to his own desired outcome.” [3]

This is a very powerful story, so let’s learn how we can do this ourselves! First is to notice a target’s particular gestures when they speak, then for you to mimic his or her body posture. From the neck up, pay attention to any head tilts and nods, their facial expressions, and their breathing patterns. Now, a physical movement is not the only thing you can sync with. One of the most important tips is to mimic their voice. This includes their tone, their volume, speed, pitch, rhythm, and word choice. You want to take on their whole persona.

But will they notice you are copying them? Will they get irritated or think I am acting silly? According to Boothman, here is the key to keeping this authentic. You first need to come to the situation with a helpful attitude and a true desire to get to know the person better. Then you need to make sure you keep your gestures subtle and respectful. Do not copy them in an exaggerated or obvious manner. You want people to trust you, not to think you are some type of mime!

Lil’ Cupid
http://www.meetmeforlunch.net

[1] Page 69
[2] Page 69
[3] Pages 74 and 75

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Let’s get together!

In Dating Diva on September 20, 2011 by meetmeforlunch Tagged: , , , , ,

Do you ever feel awkward when you try to make a fast, genuine connection with a love interest? Feel awkward no longer! Read these tips and connect like a pro!

These guidelines come from the book “How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less!” by Nicholas Boothman! This book is all about making people like you, creating authentic social connections, and building rapport. Now if you are anything like me, you have heard the word rapport thrown around LOT but may not have a clear picture of the words actual meaning. Boothman defines this word on page 27 as “harmonious or sympathetic communication”. Your new acquaintance should think “wow, I feel like I have already met this person because I feel so comfortable” or “I don’t know why, but I really like this person. He’s/she’s just like me!” It’s that sense that you have something in common and that you are comfortable.

Boothman advocates that you create this rapport in the first 90 seconds. Why so fast? Statistically, people form opinions in this short amount of time! Apparently, a good first impression really is as important as we have been told!

With that said, let’s get down to the nuts and bolts! When you read Boothman’s book’s there are innumerable take-aways that can be immediately added to your communication toolbox. Now, when you first start evaluating your communication skills, remember KFC! Kentucky Fried Chicken? No. It is Know what you want, Find out what you’re getting, and Change what you do until you get what you want. You will have to practice, practice to perfect your techniques!

One great exercise is to focus on the type of energy you are sending out when you shake someone’s hand for the first time. Is it warm and friendly? Are you distracted? Are you feeling impatient? People pick up on your attitude because it translates directly into what you say, how you say it, and your body language. Boothman always encourages you to have a useful attitude. Does this mean you should ask people what you can do to help all the time? Not at all! Instead, you should put on an attitude that forwards your objectives and encourages other people to work with you! For example, you miss your flight to NYC. An unhelpful attitude would compel you to yell at the very person who would help you solve your problem. A helpful attitude would be to kill them with kindness. This principle is easier said than done but is immeasurably useful!

The last basic tip for improving your rapport building skills is to watch your congruity. This does not mean that your shoes have to match your socks, belt, and hat. It does mean that you should try to match the meaning of your words, voice tone, and body language. If you are saying something nice, have a cheery look on your face, and say it in a cheery voice. For example, if you say to your newly engaged friend that “I am SO happy for you!!” but your eyes are not smiling and you have your arms crossed, do you think your communication was believable and effective. If you answered no then you are correct! On page 55, Boothman has a useful pie chart that shows how only 7% of communication is about the words we use. 38% is voice tone and the largest percentage is Body language at 55%.

So make your communication purposeful. With a little practice these principles will become second nature…and you will feel like a rock star!

Lil Cupid
http://www.meetmeforlunch.net

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MMFL in a nut shell!

In Dating Diva on September 6, 2011 by meetmeforlunch Tagged: , , , , ,


If you want to learn more about MMFL, this post is for you! First, a fun fact: the name “Meet me for Lunch” was inspired by Patti’s previous company “Meet me in Alaska”. This business focused on helping women from the lower 48 to meet their hunky Alaskan dream man!

MMFL is a boutique matchmaking service and is intended for those who are passionate about getting into a committed LTR. We are your headhunters for love! If you are willing to invest in your future happiness, turn over your love life, and take some advice, MMFL is the ideal place for you!

MMFL is not for everybody. Are you a catch- and –release dater? We suggest you stick with online dating. Do you get defensive when people try to give you constructive advice? Not good. Can you afford to date? That is always a must. Do you bring a lot to the table or do you want a 10 when you are a 5. We look for clients who are self-aware, are ready to grow and change, and have realistic expectations. MMFL is the place for people who are serious about love but do not take themselves too seriously.

What fuels Patti’s passion for matchmaking? After years of being an eclectic entrepreneur, she was looking for her next enterprise. Friends suggested matchmaking and she fell in love. In an article in the A.D.N. in 2008, Patti said “This is it. I will do this forever!” Patti also said “I believe in love, and I want others to find it too.”

MMFL helps individuals sort through the world of dating from ages 21-70. Though matchmaking is the primary focus of every cupid at MMFL, we also hold frequent singles events that are open to the public. We encourage ever single in Anchorage to come to these events.

When you date using MMFL, you will not be obligated to just do lunch. Our clients go on dates that range from visiting the Zoo and making cupcakes, to a comedy show. We love sending people to a romantic restaurant but we also value seeing people interacting with an activity.

Not every single person in Alaska is passionate about getting into a serious relationship, but if you are, come to MMFL. We will take care of you and your life will be changed for the better.

Lil Cupid
http://www.meetmeforlunch.net

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Do you believe in luck? Do you believe you can create your own luck? We do!

In Dating Diva on August 23, 2011 by meetmeforlunch Tagged: , , , , , , , ,

We cannot tell you how many times a client has walked into our office and just a few days later found the person of their dreams.

MMFL would like to take all the credit for it, but we cannot. MMFL credits our clients because they have taken the necessary step to ensure their own success. It is a beautiful thing! Here at MMFL, we attribute it to the power of the positive mind set. “mind-set” can be described as “A fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person’s responses to and interpretations of situations.” (thefreedictionary.com). Essentially, mind set is “an attitude, disposition, or mood” (dictionary.com). Changing your mind-set can take you from feeling like your life is horrible to thinking your life is great! It can take you from not being noticed to getting compliments. It can take you from slouching to strutting. It can take you far.

We have one client who was going though a rough patch, so she signed up for some coaching and matchmaking. A few days later, the client called us up and said she was receiving a lot of attention from the gentlemen, more than she had in a while. Now, did our client really change anything physically? No! It was purely a mental shift! Powerful.

At MMFL there have been many occasions that a client attracts a LTR just a short way into their membership. We love it! Our clients leave our office ready for personal growth, ready for change, and ready to make room for another person in their life.

The power of mindset is well understood and is becoming more and more important to the business community and personal success. Exercising a positive mindset can mean repeating affirmations, writing down what you are thankful for, taking a set back in stride, or choosing to see the best in people. From livestrong.com we get a few insights into how we can be more positive. First, you can make time for the positive people in your life. Say good buy to the people who are dragging you down. Also, you can see your attitude as part of your wellness plan. There have been many studies linking a good attitude to good health and longevity. Lastly, exercising or meditating can help calm the brain so you can have more of an influence on your own thoughts.

Hara Estroff Marano, editor in chief of “Psychology Today” magazine, reports that the average person generates 25,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day. Let’s make them great!
Lil Cupid
http://www.meetmeforlunch.net

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/140560-positive-attitude-vs-negative-attitude/#ixzz1VtGltcSl

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Are you using the “R” word? OH MY!

In Dating Diva on August 15, 2011 by meetmeforlunch Tagged: , , , ,

We are talking about rejection! It sucks and it happens to everybody! Rejection is especially fond of people navigating the dating scene. Daters put themselves out there over and over and over again. What this really means is that they decide to make themselves vulnerable to rejection over and over and over again. Where do they find the strength for this? The quest is powered by the dater’s deep seated desire to find love: the beautiful, energizing, and gleeful state of falling in love.

In my experience at “Meet Me for Lunch”, a client that rejects a date hates rejecting people almost as much as the rejected hates being cast aside. So, right now, rejection is sounding like a big, fat, negative…and it is. So why don’t we advise all our clients to just give up and hope that something happens spontaneously? Because there is a silver lining. Rejection helps you learn, helps you grow, and helps you to become more successful next time.

The following are five ways you can positively deal with rejection in dating.

1. After one of our clients go on a date, they ALWAYS want to know what the other person thought of them. If client 2 does not want to go out again with client 1, client 1 is left asking “But why not?”. One of the kindest things a rejecter can do for the rejected is to give clear, honest, tactful and, above all, specific feedback. Often times, client 1 actually did do something wrong or offensive and they will repeat that mistake until someone fesses up.  Tough love!
2. Embrace personal growth. Do not see dating as a means to immediate success and don’t expect life to be dramatic and exciting like some episode of “Sex and the City”. See dating as a process. A process that will change you for the better. Be open to meeting as many people as you can. Do not go into each dating asking “is he/she the one?”. This will scare your date and your date will inevitably disappoint you.  Go in expecting to have fun and meet a new friend.  This will set you up for success every time!
3. Embrace the fact that you are not perfect. Do not act surprised when you receive constructive criticism. Often times, people are just trying to help you…and you should be thankful.
4. In some ways, dating is like sales, you have to get through the no’s to get a yes. It can be seen as a numbers game. You only need to find ONE person, so your odds are actually pretty good!
5. Do not take dating and rejction too seriously. Laugh it off. After all, it is only somebody’s subjective opinion.  If you were rejected after a first date, the personal doesn’t even know you. Also, the unique thing about being rejected on a date is that your date does not necessarily even dislike you. They may have a million nice things to say about you…they just aren’t romantic things. That’s just how life shakes out sometimes. There’s no accounting for taste!

Lil Cupid
http://www.meetmeforlunch.net/

Articles

Dating or interviewing?

In Dating Diva on August 9, 2011 by meetmeforlunch Tagged: , , , ,

We all know that a first date in supposed to be fun and flirty with a lot of good conversation and good chemistry! Right? What we also know is that treating our date like they are interviewing for a job can be boring and socially painful for everybody.

We have a few tips that can help create a comfortable connection during conversation.

1. Sit kitty-corner to your date. Do not sit across from them interview style and do not sit next to them because this will make conversation and eye contact awkward.
2. Make sure your conversation is like a tennis match. Don’t just pelt your match with conversation topics if they are not tossing back any comments or questions. Ask questions AND tell stories.  And do not interrupt your date!
3. Do not make snap judgments on the first date. Just enjoy the company, let your date be themselves, and have realistic expectations. Prince charming and princess charming do not exist, so do not expect them to magically appear on your next date. Everybody has amazing aspects of their personality and everybody has flaws. At the end of the date, you can decide if you would like to go on a second date…or not.
4. Be honest with how you are feeling. If you feel like you are talking too much, just say “you know, I feel like l am talking too much…” and proceed to ask a question. Or if you do not love the restaurant, do not let this ruin the date. Just say “Wow this place has odd (art/ lighting/food/ service etc), don’t you think?”. Keep it light and keep it honest.
5. If you are having trouble keeping the conversation going for a moment, just look around. You could comment on a picture. Maybe it is a picture of an international destination. You could ask if they have ever traveled there. You could talk about the weather, the decoration, the anything until the conversation picks up again. Not everybody is or need to be a chatty Kathy so these tips can help you avoid any awkward pauses in conversation.

Conversation is an art, not a science, but it is an art worth mastering. Finding your spark with another person is the first step and great conversation and communication will grow a healthy relationship!

Lil Cupid
http://www.meetmeforlunch.net/

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Lets get deep!

In Dating Diva on August 1, 2011 by meetmeforlunch Tagged: , , , , , ,

When you first meet a potential partner, there are many reasons that make the first connection perfect.

Many people like somebody because they are attractive, smart, and funny. Or perhaps you are impressed by their accomplishments or career.

Below is a list of 10 additional topics to discuss before you commit to a long-term relationship (LTR)

1. Do you want kids, when, and how many?  Do not start this conversation after you have been together for many years.
2. Do your religious views line up and is this even important to you two?  Sometimes, couples can truly respect each other’s beliefs even if one person disagreed.   But more often than not, not agreeing on fundamental beliefs like religion can cause conflict!
3. Do your political views line up and is this even important to you two?  Focus less on if your political parties line up, and instead scrutinize what you believe and, even more importantly, why you believe certain things.   Often times, political views can be a label for your life philosophy.  Do not get caught up in the semantics of party names.
4. Do you want traditional gender roles, progressive rolls, or something in between?  it is easy to talk the talk while you are dating, but dig deep into what your future spouse will want you to do day-to-day.
5. Do you prefer to live paycheck to paycheck or is saving and financial security important?  It is often said that money, sex, and power are powerful topics that can sometimes rip apart a LTR.  Have a mutually agreed upon plan about your finances…and then stick to it!

6. Is there an equal power dynamic or is there a constant competition.  Remember, you are both on the same team.  You should be each others biggest fan.  Criticism is only useful is it helps the other person grow and learn.  Someone once said, “you don’t want to be married to a looser, so don’t make your partner a looser”.

7. Is there mutual respect? Do you calmly listen to each others ideas, emotions, and boundaries?
8. Do you both want to live in the same geographic area?  Often times, where you live defines your lifestyle.  Talk about it!
9. Do you want an open house, a closed house, or something in between? In other words, will you have family and friends over constantly or only by invitation?  From looking at many relationships, there are many introvert/ extrovert marriages.  It is important for both people to be comfortable in their own environment.
10. Is one of you a night person and one of you a day person? How will you juggle these differences?

These questions are a great place to start when your beautiful and fun relationship takes a more serious turn.  Remember, it is better to be single than to be in an unhappy relationship.  And, anything worth having is worth working for…

Lil Cupid

http://www.meetmeforlunch.net/